Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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