I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize