Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
