I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
