I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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