Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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