She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
