Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
