dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
