Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
