My sheets look like a crime scene.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
