if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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