its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize