you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
