Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize