A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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