I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
