I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
