so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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