The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
