I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
