You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
