is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
