don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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