Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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