So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
