Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
