New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
