To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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