I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
