Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
