I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
