am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
