So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
