I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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