My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it because I queefed?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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