I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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