Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
