and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
