You smell like stripper and shame
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
