You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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