We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
