And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
