i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
