Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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