fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
