end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
