Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
