My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
