You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
