jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
