I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
