I think my vagina is haunted
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
