Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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