I will die if light touches me.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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