I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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