nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I cockslap morals
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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