I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
