I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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