he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
