There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
