Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
