my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
