I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
