She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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