real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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