Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
